07 Oct Are you seeking a guarantee of happiness?
Have you ever asked yourself why you wanted love? It seems like a ridiculous question to ask because you assume that everyone should want love. You believe that Mr. or Ms. Right can give you happiness. If you find the person, the happiness comes as part of the package – guaranteed!
Sometimes a relationship just happens. You meet the person in college and you have a connection and decide to stick together, get married, build a family and do what other people are doing. The ones who seem to fall into marriage just follow the path of society. The people who meet randomly aren’t better off than you. They chose a relationship unconsciously and maybe they get along fine, but maybe they are just settling. If being in a relationship guarantees happiness, the divorce rate wouldn’t be almost 60%.
For most people, the search for love begins with pain – a bad break-up, divorce or reaching a milestone age (child-bearing years are ticking away). Instead of allowing the natural flow of life to pass you by, you decide to take some action to make love happen so you are not feeling the pain of being alone anymore.
You are on a mission so you relentlessly date online, go to speed dating, go to social events to get your face-time, take classes and workshops to better yourself but still you are not finding true love. You get so defeated in your quest that the search is not fun, you are tired and wonder if you were just meant to be alone and endure this pain of loneliness forever.
When you reach the point of exhaustion and want to give up, you have forgotten your WHY. Why do you want love in the first place?
True love isn’t about alleviating pain and loneliness.
Most people are searching for love as a guarantee for happiness. If I could just find that person, everything will be fine in my life. No more misery, no more lonely nights, no more long weekends without any plans, no more isolation from my married friends, no more bad dates, no more heartache.
If you try to find a mate with the mind of pain, you will only attract more pain.
The only guarantee for happiness lies within you. You are the cause of happiness, not something or someone out there. It is hard to accept because we have been conditioned to think that happiness is external.
Happiness is already inside.
Our natural state is joy. The mind creates images and stories that constantly take us out of joy. The mind that says you aren’t good enough until you meet someone or that you are flawed and no one will ever love you. The mind will lie to you about the future and constantly remind you of the regrets of the past. The mind is never satisfied, always spinning its stories of nonsense to fill the moments of your day until you finally get a break when you go into deep sleep. When you awake, the mind is there to remind you of your miserable life again and the stories continue.
If you can sit with yourself in silence and watch those thoughts float by without believing them, you will eventually have some moments of pure bliss. You can touch that deep joy that is already in you.
As you access this inner perfection, you start to see the world in its perfect reflection. When you get into a relationship, you bring your own bliss (B.Y.O.B.) and the why for wanting a relationship isn’t coming from pain but coming from a powerful desire to share this gorgeous happiness that you are swimming in. That is a guarantee that you can count on and the type of love that is deep and lasting.