07 Mar Feelings and commitment don’t mix
When you think of marriage or other committed relationships it is natural to also think that the commitment is bound by feelings. You want to have loving feelings for the person you spend your life with, but the commitment piece should not be driven by feelings. This main reason for divorce or breakups is that people “fall out of love” and abandon the commitment when the relationship has challenges.
Just like any goal you have in life – personal development, your career or building a business, if you let your feelings dictate your commitment level you will always lose. Your feelings will tell you to stay in your comfort zone, avoid pain and struggle. Being committed means I am going to stick to this goal regardless of discomfort.
When you begin the journey to find love, change your life or career, first you have to make a conscious decision and commitment. You start off excited and hopeful until the first setback…and then your level of commitment reaches its first big test.
Most people fall into the lowest level of commitment. They will stop at the first sign of struggle because it is too hard, and they are too depressed or angry to keep moving. These are people who never change their life and blame external circumstances on their failure to get what they want. They are a slave to outer influences and feel victimized. They think it should be easier and stay in the path of least resistance.
When I was single, I always went for the lowest-hanging fruit in dating. I let my feelings of loneliness override my commitment to being honored by someone who wanted a long-term commitment. I settled for less because it felt too scary to be alone and hold out for what I really wanted. I also did this with work. I fell into a marketing career by default and disregarded my dreams of becoming an author. It was too scary to quit my job and start something new. It wasn’t until I was ready to face some uncomfortable choices that I was able to find a great relationship and amazing business.
The next level of commitment is the wishy-washy approach. First they commit, get through the first stumbling blocks and but are inconsistent. They haven’t mastered their mind and are led more by their emotions. After a few setbacks they lose patience – “where’s my man, my breakthrough, my stuff?” and then give up. They think that the resistance is the universe telling them they are on the wrong track instead of the truth that the setbacks are helping them to break free of their old conditioning.
They strive for a quick-fix or need to be rescued, rather than grow themselves into receiving what they want through the obstacles that arise along the way. Their goal is about feeling better but it is based on the foundation of escaping a perceived pain.
The top level of commitment for a person is one who has a no excuses, do-whatever-it-takes attitude. This person reaches her or his goals. The difference between Top-Committers and the other levels are these five things:
- They believe in their goal and it is their divine right to have it;
- They master their feelings so they aren’t pulled down with every setback;
- They use obstacles as opportunities to see their shadow mind and escape conditioning of the past that kept them from their goal before;
- They invest in themselves and get support from a trainer, coach or a mentor that holds the vision for them and keeps them accountable;
- The passion for their goal is greater than any fear they encounter or how long it takes to get there!
The biggest difference with someone who is truly committed is that they see the attempt to attain their goal as a path to grow and become a higher conscious human being. They see that the real “gold” is in the journey and that the personal growth they experience through setbacks are actually building mental muscle and preparing them for being able to receive and appreciate the goal.
The only feeling that a commitment-minded person allows to influence them is pure love, even in the face of adversity. The set backs become gifts to light the way and open the heart and mind to receive great life experiences.
If your goal is to find love this year, lose weight, make more money or change careers, you must first start by making a commitment. Prepare to be uncomfortable because that is what it truly means to leave your comfort zone. Your feelings will panic and want you to retreat. Notice how your mind and feelings will try to stop you with every obstacle, but continue to hold the vision of what you want. Find a mentor or guide to help you stay focused and not give up when things feel uncertain or scary.
There is a reason why most people do not reach their dreams. It isn’t because of bad luck, but it is a lack of commitment.
What is your level of commitment? What do you want to create in this year? Write your comments below!