How close are you to finding love?

Find out how close you are to finding love. No need to go to a psychic, you can check inside and see how you feel about finding your partner. Watch this video and let me know what number you come up with by leaving a comment below…

  • Liz
    Posted at 03:29h, 10 October Reply

    I just wanted to say that I’d rate myself a 3, on a discouraged day! I have recently completed the EIY program. Prior to that, I was a hopeless 10, on any day. What a fantastic change. This rating scale really helps me see how far I have come.

  • Laura
    Posted at 04:57h, 10 October Reply

    I think I still vascillate between 1 and 10 from time to time. But consistently, I think I am at about a 4. I notice this because I am taking rejection really well, not placing any blame and saying its time to move on to the next person. I also now take the position that wherever I go I can potentially meet the person, not just when I am dressed up and ready to go out.

  • Debi Berndt
    Posted at 08:10h, 10 October Reply

    The key is that the higher you are on the scale, you are coming from ego, the lower is from divine. Divine is where TRUE love is found, neediness and anxiety only attracts men/women who will amplify that. It feels nicer to amplify the divine in you!

  • Pauly
    Posted at 12:43h, 10 October Reply

    I feel on the scale on 3, but I feel nervous, not because I will not meet him but rather because I might meet the one. Any advice to feel more at peace??
    Thank you.

  • Juliet
    Posted at 12:04h, 20 October Reply

    Hi Debbie, at the moment I would rate myself an 8, maybe a 7 on a good day. I have huge fear to overcome and lack of self worth. I work on myself all the time, but find it very hard to get over my fear and distrust of others with my heart.

    • Debi Berndt
      Posted at 13:43h, 20 October Reply

      When you are in fear, you are only focused on your surface (ego) self or persona being hurt or feeling unworthy. The truth is you are more than your persona, you are a divine being. If you go through Creative Love Process, you will reveal your true self and be brave and powerful with your true love.

      • Jackie Morrison
        Posted at 03:29h, 21 October Reply

        Hi Debi,

        My fear is really strong around relationships. I’m fearless in alot of other ways but it’s not as easy with relationships to just tell myself to not be afraid. What can one do in this case? It feels like it is not in my conscious control.

        • Debi Berndt
          Posted at 15:49h, 22 October Reply

          Our Shadow course is perfect for facing fears. It is unconscious that is why you don’t have control over it. It is also not rational so you can’t logically figure it out.

          • Jackie Morrison
            Posted at 20:37h, 22 October

            How does the shadow course differ from Engaged in a Year? In terms of allowing someone to remove the wall?

  • Mariana
    Posted at 16:01h, 01 November Reply

    Hi, Debi!!
    well, I am confused about how to rate myself!
    After a break up, I realized that I didn’t know I was loveable, because It was almost like I needed his “permission” to know how loveable I was, and If I was a nice person or not. I was very insecure. Then now I am enjoying myself much more, creating better thoughts, seeing potencials in me that I didn’t know I could have, and it’s like I started seeing people in a different way.
    But the thing is: I understand that I don’t want to DEPEND emotionally on anyone, that I am the one to KNOW how valuable I am, and amazing… But I DO WANT A relationship, yes! One that is healhty, with real love, without being dependent on someone’s approval.
    Is it WRONG to want one?
    Because I do, of course, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. So, what is the right mindset then?

    • Debi Berndt
      Posted at 17:48h, 01 November Reply

      It is natural to want to share your life with someone. When it aches, you are not looking for love, but looking to hide the ache.
      If you are your own love, you can love freely without the pain.

      • Kristen
        Posted at 18:56h, 28 March Reply

        Ah Debi. I love this:
        “When it aches, you are not looking for love, but looking to hide the ache.”
        I keep reminding myself, sometimes you have to feel empty, be willing to feel empty, be willing to feel the ache and the loneliness, to be filled with love.
        Love isn’t about avoiding the pain of loneliness or heartache or emptiness, it is being willing to be with it when it comes in its waves. Even that is self-love. Being present with yourself and your true emotions as they are. Connecting to yourself and your emotions.
        And love is the joy of connection.
        I think. 🙂

  • Bushy
    Posted at 09:11h, 20 January Reply

    Hi Debi,
    Well, I have not gotten married yet and in my country we do not have boyfriends before marriage. Marriage is the only respectful way to have family. I am 39 years old which is considered in my country too late for getting married because people get married in a very young age. Most of marriages in my country are arranged by families which is something that I refuse. I do not feel sorry or angry that I chose that. It is the opposite because I achieved a lot and became more mature, wise and specific about the things that I want to have in my life. I believe that I am going to find that one I am looking for. I remember that when I used to be worried and depressed about getting married, I used to attract one or two who are serious about getting married but are not suitable for me, so I decided to stop thinking about it in a nervous way till I find the right method to get what is correct and suitable for me. I want to know the steps to show the good characters that I have to get that one who fits them. I need to learn how to use my emotion to feel my Adam and to attract him.

  • Ann
    Posted at 16:27h, 16 February Reply


    I feel myself about a 9… I feel like I only attrack men that are not sure of what they want finally, because they announce first that they want commitment… And I’m so afraid that I will never have children.

    I want to believe in love, but I got my confidence broken constantly… I just don’t know how to overcome it…

    • Debi Berndt
      Posted at 10:35h, 17 February Reply

      If you depend on a man for your happiness/security, you will be afraid. The key is to stop giving them that responsibility. If you want to change this, check out our next online program, “Engaged in a Year”, it will help you shift your thinking around what love means and how to be available to available men.

  • Valerie
    Posted at 08:14h, 20 April Reply

    I am confused! It is natural to want to experience connection to another human being. I am a “loner” by nature myself, but I still have times I want to closely connect with someone. This leads to my question: Is it problematic for someone like myself who is comfortable with being alone most of the time to feel the need to connect at times? I would appreciate some insight.

    • Debi Berndt
      Posted at 09:47h, 20 April Reply

      There is no right or wrong. Some people say they are a loner out of fear b/c they cannot connect with others and they choose the comfort of their own space to be in control. The unconscious drives these desires and they feel natural but they could be holding you back from great love from others.

  • Reene
    Posted at 01:20h, 04 June Reply


    I am looking for Love not relationship. Love doesn’t exclude relationship, but – first of all I am looking for love, not relationship. I think that I might be at 2 – I just know that some day I will meet him, but I am not even thinking about that, I am concentration on other priorities in my life and growing inside.

  • Silvie
    Posted at 09:40h, 22 June Reply


    Thank you Debi for the interesting video. 🙂

    My number was 4 actually. You see, I have noticed that the older I get the lower the number is. I am 32 now. But hopefully it will not come to “1”. 🙂

    Have a great week


  • Axel
    Posted at 12:52h, 26 July Reply


    7 feels quite accurate right now. The thing is if I had done this earlier or decided to do it later I might have scored lower. I wasn’t in a great mood when I did this. If I’m honest and trust myself I think 3 would be the lowest that I possibly can score.

    Sometimes I feel like I need a partner and a relationship rather than wanting a partner and a relationship. The fear of being alone is an obstacle I need to overcome and the lack of patience. I also have trouble getting close to people since I somewhere inside of me expect people to disappear out of my life for good. I hope I wasn’t too unclear.

    Have a nice weekend!

  • Netta
    Posted at 08:27h, 11 October Reply

    I am at a 1 or 2. If it happens, it happens! I would prefer to be in a meaningful and loving relationship because sharing truly enhances the pleasures of life and reduces the trauma felt when troubling issues occurr.

  • sean
    Posted at 05:20h, 13 October Reply

    I went with the first number that popped into my head and that was number 5. What do I need to do to get closer to a 1? Well, that is an interesting question and intuitively I know I need to be happier with my life as it is now and also somehow accept that I am not broken and that I do not need to be fixed. In this moment I do not have much of a life outside of my home and outside of work, so I would be joining with a woman in a place of loneliness and boredom…certainly not what I want. Seems that if I have more joy in my life solo I will bring more interdependence into my relationship and not co-dependence. After watching your three free videos on the shadow, an ex has come back into my life via dreams and I know that my inner Eve is becoming more feminine based on a few key things in those dreams…and she randomly sent me an email the other day…so weird how this is happening! So, I am definitely on the path the getting closer to a 1, who knows how long it will take. I cannot worry about that.

  • Liliana
    Posted at 07:21h, 15 October Reply

    well, I am not stressed about it and I think that it can happen any time, so that means I should rate myself at 1. However, I am committed to work on my individuation process and I know there is much I do not know, so thinking that I will be in much better shape once I know what it is in my shadow, what I am projecting, etc, I guess I cannot claim to be a 1. Definitely my life is not haulted because I am alone, and I never cry because I am alone. I know it is just a question of time and I am expecting it to happen any moment.

  • Pree
    Posted at 20:20h, 08 April Reply

    I would rate myself a 4/5 last year it would have definitely been a 9 or 10.

  • Silvia
    Posted at 01:38h, 03 August Reply

    I guess my rate is 4!
    I think I had identified my shadows and I’m working on it!
    4 years ago I thought I met the love of my life, but he wasn’t ready and unfortunately I’m still working on moving on!I’m very puzzled because in all of this time I didn’t have one single date!
    I’m reading your book and I really do my best!!!
    Lots of love for all of you!!!

  • Gale
    Posted at 12:28h, 29 August Reply

    I AM a 1. I can say that now that I took “Let Love In”. I AM working on class 4 and next week will be the Q&A call. The last of this program. I AM so happy and grateful to Debi and Dr. Rob for providing this content. I AM on My way!!!!!! Gale

  • Rose
    Posted at 14:28h, 31 August Reply

    I feel like a 5 right now but I’m ok with that. I am taking a good look at my inner feelings and thoughts so I can embrace them as part of me. I have found that all of my past relationships were run by my hidden past but now that I know that, I am free to come from a different place when I am ready to open my heart. I am close and know it will be soon. Just letting myself go through this process is the best gift I can give myself so I will have more to offer in my next relationship.

  • Susie
    Posted at 21:18h, 31 August Reply

    I think I’m a 5. There was a time I was a 10. I was trying everything and anything to connect and was feeling angry, frustrated and depressed. I sort of waver in between feeling really good and wanting a partner still so much. But I am happy with the life I’ve created for myself. I have lots of interests and enjoy spending time alone. I think I reach a 10 when I relflect that I’ve been searching now for 14 years without any success, any love, any intimacy, and almost no dates more than once. When I think about that, it goes to 10, but when I think about the lovely life I’ve made for myself and the self-love I’ve finally achieve it slides back to 5.

  • Ms. Clark
    Posted at 16:04h, 01 September Reply

    I’m a 4. To get to 1, I will need to get over feelings of abandonment once attached, feeling like the ugly one in the relationship becuase I’m hairy and removing obstacles surrounding long term interest.

  • Jenniefer Akello
    Posted at 08:13h, 29 September Reply

    I think I am Between 3 and 4 because I know he exist and he too wants to meet me,my financial situations,being unrealistic about the qualities i want in Him although they much what i am willing to give Him as well.Things like color,height,age ,Personality can they be defined by ego or divine? Regards Debi

    • Debi Berndt
      Posted at 12:18h, 29 September Reply

      All the things you are describing about financial and appearance are about ego. They reflect the negative images you have of yourself. Don’t define yourself by surface personality and accomplishments/failures, see the real you that is behind all that who is just love.

  • Simone
    Posted at 23:19h, 05 November Reply

    In attracting love , if I already found someone whom I am very attracted to, can I attract love from a specific person, or should I focus on finding a soulmate with no one specific in mind ?

    • Debi Berndt
      Posted at 10:48h, 11 November Reply

      You cannot control other people and your ego seeks to get love from another person b/c of the persona attraction. Focus on your heart and the experience you want and let go of who that turns out to be.

  • Donna
    Posted at 00:49h, 12 August Reply

    I am actually at a 1 right now. I am not actively looking, I am just thinking about it right now, like how I can get into my unconsciousness to bring this dream into my life. So, since I have studied many spiritual things over time, such as how your subconscious mind creates, I am not stressing out about this right now….although I cannot say how I would feel down the road !

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