11 Jun Is your persona holding you back from love?
Being single for a while, you start to believe what the world shows you. You see there aren’t any quality matches, you hear the older you get the harder it is, and tell yourself repeatedly, “Why does this always happen to me?” when someone loses interest or stops calling. If you see a pattern of heartache, you may feel as though that is who you are – lonely, heartbroken, the perpetual single persona.
I had the single persona for decades. I didn’t realize that approaching love with this heartbreak persona was working against me even before I met someone. I would try to wear a new mask of “confident, lovable me” but underneath my ego was telling me “who are you fooling?” Dating tips will tell you to make a vague attempt of re-arranging the persona but that is like covering paint over something when you still know the truth underneath. With every bad date or broken romance, my identity became more entrenched in the “sad, lonely girl” persona and I kept attracting the same result holding that idea.
The good news is that you are not your persona. The persona is just the surface mask of you. People tend to think they are the sum of their past experiences, that if no one loved them before they must be unlovable. This is why people stay in the same income level, settle for the same boring relationships or remain single for years even decades feeling powerless to make a change.
The worst thing you can do is to attempt to heal or fix yourself. Then, your persona will evolve to be the unlovable one who got healed. You are still implying that something is wrong with you because you are alone and single. There is nothing wrong with you. You have just gotten into a certain habit of love and habits can be broken.
The break free of the old, lonely persona, you must first realize that you are not your persona. There is a deeper part of you that existed when you were born that is perfect, untouched and unlimited – your spirit or soul. Find a way to access that part of you. Imagine this part being light or connected to a higher self – the divine you. Visualizations are great for this process.
After you get in touch with that unlimited self ask her or him who you were meant to be in love. Create a fresh, new vision for your love life, even if you never had love before. Imagine that you had no past and nothing else matters than what you bring into your imagination. Who would you BE as the woman or man who is in love and truly loved in return?
You can choose to step into your new love identity and leave the old lonely you behind. It is not easy to break old habits because your ego will defend the status quo, but getting the right support and guidance can make the journey much easier and faster. Just to know there is something you can do to make it happen is empowering and, when you meet your ideal partner, you will feel like a different person. You will have become the real, lovable you who was always inside waiting to come out and play in the world of love.
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