Masking your love problems with quick-fix techniques

I often tell people that it took me twenty years of personal growth work to get my love life on track. There are two reasons for the delay. One problem was that I wasn’t addressing my subconscious beliefs and everything I was learning just sat on the surface, never making any real change. The other issue is that I relied on quick fix a la carte techniques for a magical cure of my love woes.  Both of these attempts to change my love life were futile.

This may sound familiar to you. Are you spending tons of money and time on the latest healing trend hoping that every new trick you find is going to be the key to changing your life? After years on the self-help treadmill you may wonder if there is something wrong with you. Some teachers make it sound so easy to attract love, wealth or heal serious illnesses with the power of the mind and you may be troubled as to why it isn’t working for you.

What I discovered throughout my search for a love-cure was that many people use a technique as a complete philosophy. Energy work, tapping exercises and guided meditations are wonderful but they won’t bring lasting change without a whole system to support them. Clearing negative energy may mask symptoms but they are not going to give you the results you want in the long run. New problems will arise and you are back to where you started again, being afraid of your negative thoughts and feelings and searching for something external to make you feel okay.

As you know I am a big proponent of self-hypnosis. I think it is the best way to work with subconscious patterns but hypnosis is only a technique. There were other elements that needed to be in place for me to attract my true love  and build a successful business. Not only did I have to think differently about myself, I needed to change the quality of my relationships. I had to let go of the temporary men and I had to face and heal the past. The last piece, which was the most difficult, was to believe in the unseen – to have faith that true love and wealth was available to me.

When I relied on techniques, I realized that it was a way to avoid doing the real work it takes to change my deep-rooted unhealthy romantic habits. I wanted a quick fix without having to go too deep. Relying on some healer to take away my pain, I danced around my issues and delayed the arrival of my true love until I was in my forties.

So if you are wondering why something isn’t working for you, don’t get down on yourself and feel like you are helpless. Look beyond a technique for a philosophy of life that can be the foundation for you. Find a coach or mentor to work with on a regular basis to help you bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to be. Making transitions in life requires regular support and maintenance, not a pill every once in a while to numb the pain.

Get serious about investing in yourself for real change. I am not only talking about a financial investment but a deep emotional investment. Be brave enough to face the dark night of the soul and you will come out the other side stronger than ever. Nothing great was ever achieved easily, but it also doesn’t have to be such a long, hard journey. You deserve so much wonderful love and happiness and you are the one to decide how much you are willing to put into yourself to attain it.

I recently saw an video by Michael Jordan and I want you to check it out to really see what I mean by investing in yourself.

  • N
    Posted at 21:54h, 07 December Reply

    Hi Debi,

    I truly believe that we are all here in this lifetime to face certain challenges that allow us to grow. However, no one’s challenge is the same. Some people meet their soul mate in high school, get married and live happily ever after, while others are into their fourties and still wondering why they have not met their true love yet. Now, the people who got married to their soulmates in their 20s, they too have their own challenges, albeit in different areas in life. They could be struggling with finances, health, their relations with their children, parents, etc. We all have different challenges in life. No one is the same. Now yours happened to be working on yourself until you understood what was blocking you from finding love. But that does not mean it was your punishment. You sound as if you are blaming yourself, as if you delayed on purpose finding love!!I danced around my issues and delayed the arrival of my true love until I was in my forties. I do not believe that anyone purposefully delays finding love.

    I am sure that if you have found love earlier in life, you would be now struggling to work on other issues. I often ask myself, what is the Universe telling me? What should I work on to find love/money/career or whatever the heck it is that I am looking for. Sometimes it is obvious to me; however sometimes I honestly do not know what work I need to do, so I always ask the Universe and my guiding angels to show me the way, to give me a hint to what work I need to do on myself, what actions to take, to find my way in this life..

    Thank you as always for a great article..

    • admin
      Posted at 07:49h, 08 December Reply

      Actually, I used to believe that too but realized that is just what they call “spiritual bypassing.” It is much easier to think that there is a force outside of us controlling our lives to give us lessons.

      I take responsibility for my choices but don’t feel bad about it or think it was a punishment. You can never be free until you take responsibility for creating your life. People struggle because they look for a miracle outside of them in finding love, wealth, health. Waiting for a magic cure. You are the universe, the force that is creating your life is YOU. That is what I wish I faced sooner…finding a wonderful man was just icing on the cake.

      Hope that clears it up for you – don’t worry about what you want to work on first. Look at the core of your desires…there is something that ties it all together and has nothing to do with the external. Some food for thought!
      Thanks for reading my column.

  • whitneay
    Posted at 20:14h, 19 March Reply

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