Reflections of Yourself Before Your Date

In my last post, I discussed projections and how the people you date are just a mirror to your own belief system.  Let’s think about this in terms of one date.  What happens to you when you have a first date with someone?  Listen to the conversation you are having with yourself as you are contemplating the date.  What do you think about when you are getting ready?  Are you putting yourself down for being too fat or are you worried that he will be ugly or boring?  Do you start planning your wedding before you even meet him?  If you really pay attention to your pre-date jitters, you can discover some interesting things about yourself.

When faced with a blind date or first date with someone, all of your subconscious fears and thoughts that held you back from attracting the right one before will come up.  Your low self-esteem, your dating disasters, your painful breakups are all stored deep into your mind and you bring them along into your future relationships every time.  Now, listen to this very important advice – most of what you are telling yourself is not true! You have been heartbroken before and your mind will try anything it can to protect you from getting hurt again.  When faced with the opportunity to meet a new, promising prospect, your mind automatically switches to fear mode pulling anything from its vast resource of past experiences to talk you out of pursuing the date.

Now, you may notice this pre-date jitter doesn’t happen when you end up with a guy who is non-commital.  Your mind thinks he’s safe because he will never challenge you to true intimacy.  Most people confuse the safe feeling for love and infatuation when, in fact, it is keeping you in the same destructive patterns.  When you are feeling a little nervous or want to run, it may mean that this person is really good for you.  If you do not have a good reservior of happy dating experiences to draw from, your mind sees it as foreign and repels you from it.  The subconscious likes things to remain the same and does not have logic as your conscious mind.

The next time you go out on a date and feel nervous, smile and tell yourself you are scared because this is just a new experience.  You are beautiful and amazing and he is just another person that you will meet on the road of life.  Maybe it will be the last first date you will ever have because he will be the one, or possibly just a stepping stone to learn from and move on.  Either way, you never lose if you stay present and remain loving towards yourself.

To help you gain dating confidence, I developed the Dating Confidence Self-hypnosis program.  This program is great to listen to right before a date to fill your mind with wonderful affirmations of self-love.  You can even use it before you go to a party and find that you will be irresistible to men.  How cool is that?

Happy Dating!   Debra

  • ModelElaine
    Posted at 03:35h, 23 January Reply

    It sounds to me like you are describing someone whom we call “drama queen”, or a woman with “baggage”. Not everyone is like that and the best cure from “baggage” is dating a lot before deciding that you are ready for a “real” relationship.

  • Debra Berndt
    Posted at 11:10h, 23 January Reply

    Actually we all have baggage from our childhood – some of us have small carry-ons while others have a moving truck. If a person is struggling with finding love (even when they date alot) there is a block in the subconscious mind that is preventing them from attracting love in their life. The root of the issue in my experience has always been a deep sense of unworthiness or insecurity, regardless of how the person consciously sees themselves.

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