You know the story. You have read the books and been to workshops galore. You had the healing and the breakthroughs and feel liberated and ready for love. You fall for the next guy or girl that comes along, thinking this is it. But...it isn't. After your heart breaks again, you wonder when you will ever graduate from personal growth and get it right. I was a big overachiever. I always got the best grades in class, handed in my homework first and excelled in everything except gym. I was a brain, not an athlete, and I was fine with being picked last for the team. I knew I sucked at kickball and made peace with that. When it came to racing my friends to the altar, I was dead last. So, I decided to dive into personal development and apply my brainpower to figure out why I was still single. I learned the deep philosophies and complexities of family dynamics. If there were a written test, I would have aced it. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like school. You just cannot study your way to enlightenment, it is something you have to practice. The difficult part is that there is no graduation and you can be at a certain level and fall back ten steps like you were in kindergarten again. You give yourself an A when they call you and an F when you fall for the wrong one. The problem is that when things go wrong, you think YOU are wrong and that something is broken. The good news is that you can let go of the spiritual report card and surrender to being exactly where you are without judgment.

Have you ever felt puzzled (along with your good friends) as to why you haven’t met a special partner yet? You feel over-processed with all of your “issues” and you know why you attract unavailable partners or no dates at all, but still cannot break free to love. You wonder, “Am I destined to be alone?” I had the same frustration. It was driving me out of my mind. I knew I was relatively attractive and had a pretty good personality and wasn’t crazy, but still no man wanted me. I saw the guys I dated settle down with the next girl and I wondered, “Why didn’t he pick me?” We have this battle going on inside with the part of us that wants great love and the other part that is settling for crumbs. Usually the crumb-grabber wins because she is the loudest and the most emotional. This ego part of us wants more of the same. So, if heartache has been a familiar friend, she will pick Mr. Non-committal every time. What kept me single so long is that I gave crumb-grabber so much attention. I analyzed her, found her core beliefs, healed her wounds and played with her inner child. All these things were a great start, but there was an underlying message that I was broken and that idea that I was dysfunctional because I was single was what kept me stuck. If you come from a place of wounded-ness, you can never feel powerful. Even after some healings, you will still have a tendency to be overly protective and scared to open your heart. You would unconsciously be afraid to get wounded again. No visualization or vision board will help this.