28 Jan The secret of desire for lasting love
You may have a desire to find a partner but feel stuck in making it happen. You think positive, make yourself available and even select nicer people… but relationships seem to still turn out poorly for you. You wonder if you are searching in the wrong places or, worse, that you are just not meant to find someone.
When you have a desire and it isn’t showing up in your life, it isn’t because you have bad luck or are acting incorrectly. The problem is not on the surface so you must go deeper for the solution. You must find the root of your desire that is causing your current results in life.
There are two types of desires:
- Ego-Desire – The most common human desire is based on fear, security and survival. The ego desire can stem from the fear of not wanting to be alone or not feeling unlovable. The ego believes that finding a partner would give you a sense of security or safety. This causes anxiety and it feels like you are drifting at sea, treading water, waiting for someone to rescue you.
- Divine Desire – If you come from a divine desire, you are connected to that unlimited part of you, the real you. There is no need for security, safety or reinforcement from the outside world. You are already complete. A desire from the divine is the desire for love out of the pure joy of creation.
Just like an artist who loves to paint, a singer who loves to sing, a writer who loves to write, they create for the joy of it. They aren’t doing their craft to manipulate a result or to feel special, secure or appreciated. The result in their expression is pure and beautiful.
How do you know which desire you are coming from? Look at how your respond to your results in love and life. Your response is reflecting back your shadow (deep, unconscious) desire. If you look at your results and get a fearful reaction, then you are facing the energy that has been unconsciously influencing your actions.
By putting fearful energy into your desire, you get what you fear, not what you really want. Also, even if you did end up meeting someone, the fear would destroy your enjoyment of the new relationship and your ego would find a way to sabotage it.
To shift from an ego-desire to a divine-desire, you must discover why there is so much fear around what you want. Here are some questions for self-inquiry.
- What do I believe about relationships/love that brings fear?
- What is my life philosophy that supports a fear and dependency on the external world for my happiness?
- If I don’t get what I want, what am I really afraid of?
You cannot transform your life just by changing your beliefs to thinking positive. If you don’t uncover the fear that drives you, it will continue to control your life, emotions and romantic destiny.
Your ego loves to use positive thinking and visualization to find someone who will temporarily ease the pain. Just like a good meal, it goes away and then you are hungry again. The shadow fear you have been trying to avoid will reappear in that person and you will have another opportunity to face it.
Sure, you can tell yourself that you are divine, that you are creating from a place of wholeness, but the truth of how you really feel deep inside is in how you react to your results. If you are triggered with the results, then you know your shadow desire is still coming from fear.
Looking at the fear will give you an opportunity to examine all of those assumptions that you made about love, relationships and your true essence. Observe what you really believe about yourself and life by exploring different spiritual paths and finding one philosophy that resonates with you.
You can create from a divine desire when you realize that you are the source of everything. You believe on a deep level that you already have everything you need, but still want to create more in your life. This is what the masters’ teach about coming from a place of wholeness. You don’t have to be perfect and completely without fear, but practicing holding the divine desire at least 51% will change your results dramatically!
When you desire as a creative force of possibility, you draw in a partner who reflects that solid foundation. You feel you found home in each other, not a life raft. Instead of trying to rob energy from each other, two whole people come together to combine forces to create new life and new dreams. The love in this relationship is limitless.