30 Sep [VIDEO] How to Meditate to Transform Your Life
Research shows so many benefits of meditation such as helping you relieve stress and anxiety as well as keeping your body healthy. So many people are unsure as to how to meditate and, if they tried they think they are doing it wrong.
Watch our latest Facebook LIVE episode where we discussed the different types of meditation and lead you through a live technique you can use just five (5) minutes a day to change your life.
This technique can help you access your deeper mind, enhance your personal development or just simply make you happier.
Let us know what you think by leaving a comment below.
Debi: Today we’re talking about meditation. Rob is in the same room as me, that’s why I keep looking over here, it’s just that we’re on different cameras. Just in case you’re wondering what I’m looking at. Meditation is really something, I was just at an event at the Inc events last weekend, the Inc women’s summit Inc magazine and there were a lot of really successful women there and I spoke to a lot of them. The biggest question was, “How do I meditate?”
I just started meditating and I was really inspired to because Sara Blakely the founder of Spanx, the billion dollar woman. Everyone asked what was the secret to her success and she said it was self-awareness, it was about working with your mind.
Dr. Rob: Oh, no doubt. If you ask star athletes, movie stars, really successful people in any field, most of them will tell you it’s mindset. You have to have a success mindset and you have to be able to use whatever tools are available to create that mindset and obviously meditation is one of the keys. Now, there’s a lot of different types of meditation and people can get confused as to what are people talking about when they say meditation.
Debi: Yes, what is meditation?
Dr. Rob: We’re going to give you from our perspective, obviously, but more of a psychological interpretation of what meditation is and how it fits into this thing we call mindset.
Debi: Well, meditation for me is a way to work with the mind. We can meditate on anything, we can meditate on something really terrible.
Dr. Rob: That’s right.
Debi: We can think about and worry and we’re meditating on how bad things are, we’re meditating on a baseball game or a football game or we’re meditating on a movie. It’s like where tension of our mind goes. The true meditation is basically reining in that mind and being able to use it a tool, versus letting it just run on autopilot. It’s like a muscle, if you don’t pay attention to it, you let it run, it’s just going to flop all over the place. The wise man says that it’s harder to tame than the wind is the mind.
Dr. Rob: Absolutely. There’s two types of meditation in general. We can divide all the different kinds of meditations, there’s probably 400 different types.
Debi: 400, let’s name them all. [chuckles] I’m just kidding.
Dr. Rob: Yes, we can divide them into two camps. One is the approach is to still the mind. You’ve all tried those breathing meditations where you focus on the breath, you kind of let the mind quiet down by itself, that’s that first type. It’s a quieting of the mind and the idea is to let the thoughts come and go like the weather. Sometimes they describe it like clouds passing through the sky. They’re here one moment, but they’ll pass and the sky remains clear.
That’s our mind, our natural mind is clear, our thoughts obstruct that clearness and create this tumultuous confusion that we call our mind. It creates those things by our thoughts and our feelings. The more we focus on this and we identify those with those feelings and thoughts, we become entangled in our own mind and pretty soon we can’t find our way out. That type of meditation, that stillness meditation is about calming the mind so that we can start to see its original state.
What is the original state of the mind? Its calm, it’s clear, it’s full of potential, basically. It has no agenda, it’s just a blank, empty, beautiful blue sky that is not really up to anything until our thoughts then bring in all the drama and all the other emotion to it.
Debi: It’s very hard for us to stop the mind. I think a lot of people think that meditation is, “I’m going to have no thoughts, I’m going to sit there, but why I keep thinking? I keep thinking I’m doing it wrong.” That type of meditation, the goal is to go to that stillness of the mind. It’s not that you can hold it for very long and so that’s a type of meditation. I wanted to also talk about the difference between meditation and visualization, because I think a lot of people confuse that.
They’re like, “Oh, I like your meditations.” I’m like, “Well, they’re visualizations.” Sometimes they’re called meditations, but when you’re visualizing and you’re creating your vision for your life or you’re working with your unconscious, we do a lot of work with the shadow, the inner Adam working with the–
Dr. Rob: Those are archetypes?
Debi: Yes, archetypes and you’re visualizing those things and seeing your future. That’s a different type and it’s not really meditation, it’s more visualization. It’s more like using the mind to direct it and create from it. Where pure meditation is really, like you were saying, it’s just stilling the mind. There’s a difference between what are you trying to accomplish here. Are you trying to still the mind? Are you trying to use the thoughts to create something?
Dr. Rob: Yes, that’s the other of camp. The other type of meditation is where you’re actually using the mind in a directed way, let’s say. It can be guided or it can be self-directed. In other words you can develop your own script as you go into this meditative state and you want to call up certain things. In visualization for example you’re calling up images of what you want to create or a particular state of mind that you want to infuse your mind with through focused concentration on it. That kind of meditation, some people call it visualization, in some Buddhists schools they call it working with virtuous objects.
Meaning, a virtuous object can be compassion for example. If you want to create a compassionate mind, you call up, let’s say, an incident where you can practice compassion in your mind. Then you cultivate that feeling to where it starts to grow and infuse your whole mind and body with compassion. Now you’re actively directing your mind through visualization, which is really the imagination, through imagination to create specific types of minds. Whether it be happiness, compassion, love, et cetera.
Debi: We’re going to go back to meditation, because that’s really– want to show the difference, but we really want to focus on meditation today. It’s good that we know that, because a lot of people are thinking they’re meditating when they’re visualizing. I do my meditation everyday, which is I’m visualizing me and my ideal partner or I’m visualizing my success and that’s not really the meditation like it was meant to be. Of course, it’s better than nothing. It’s better than just letting your mind just do what it does.
What happens is that we were born with this beautiful creative mind, this stillness that’s full of potential. Then we have the ego that becomes protective and it creates these scenarios and these stories about life and about ourselves and so that narrative starts running our life and basically covering up that creative mind. It becomes like you see the blue sky you said and then the dark clouds come in and it’s stormy weather coming in and it’s almost like we can’t relax because the ego is always trying to feel better. That kind of mind, like we say, you can’t still it. It’s the nature of that thinking mind.
If you try to tame it, it’s just like “Oh.” It’s like wrestling, like I always say, it’s like herding cats. It’s like “Ah,” you can’t control them. What you’re doing when you fight the thinking, a lot of times it becomes very frustrating and actually puts a lot of anxiety in your mind and makes that meditative experience really unhappy. What we want to do is we don’t want to fight the feeling. I think a lot of people, what they do– the whole thing about positive thinking– Is they think, “Well, when I meditate and I’m thinking negative I got to switch that thought right away. I got to fix the thought.”
Then that meditative process becomes where you don’t even want to be there, you want to hear thoughts anymore. You’re like, “Get away I don’t want to sit with myself.” You feel more comfortable with the visualization and creating and getting away from that noise in your mind, but that doesn’t get rid of– You really can’t master your mind if you’re just still trying to get rid of the negative thinking.
Dr. Rob: That’s right. There’s a technique called Meta consciousness. Meta consciousness simply means what the word says. Meta means above and consciousness, obviously, our awareness. It’s taking a step above our ordinary awareness. Right now you have an awareness of where you are, where your body is, your position in space and time. That awareness, we can rise above it. Through a meditative practice, then if we sit– You can either sit in a chair or sit on the floor, the cross-legged style, the lotus, half-lotus or full lotus. Relax a little bit, take a few deep breaths, and you close your eyes gently and you start to see what’s going on inside your mind.
Now, what you’re going to do is, you’re going to create a little bit of space between your thoughts and the feelings and the sensations that you are experiencing. Who is the one witnessing those thoughts and emotions so that it creates that meta-experience, that meta-consciousness. It is the mind’s ability to observe itself. We all have this and it’s very common. We use it all the time, but because we’re not focused on it and we’re not actively cultivating it, we fall basically into getting caught up with our thoughts and emotions and we start to believe that that’s all there is.
“My thoughts are telling me something about reality and therefore I have to follow these thoughts and emotions.” When we sit and meditate in meta-consciousness, we’re stepping back a little bit and observing them. The approach is very important. We’re not judging the thoughts as right or wrong–
Debi: Or negative or positive.
Dr. Rob: Negative or positive. We’re not trying to stop them, we’re not trying to direct them in any way. We’re simply stepping back and observing our thoughts and emotions.
Debi: I’d like to lead everyone through a quick meta-consciousness exercise. Do I have your permission?
Debi: If you’re not driving, watching your Facebook or you’re in a public place, and you can close your eyes for a moment, or you don’t even have to have your eyes closed. Just play along with us for a minute and close your eyes and take a deep breath. [inhales] Then you’re going to notice the thoughts that arise in your mind. You just watch them come up.
Debi: You might have the thought, “I hope I’m doing this right. Where’s that peace that Dr. Rob told me was there, that clear mind?” Maybe you’re thinking about your body, how comfortable you are or uncomfortable you are. Just settle in a little more and see if you can move your awareness to outside of your body, as you’re looking down at yourself thinking. As if you’re just floating like a piece of beautiful light, looking down at the heavy body with all the thoughts. Just watch the thoughts. Don’t try to judge them or push them away. Just let them float by like a bird flying through the sky so they move through you.
Debi: You’ll notice that some of these thoughts have an emotional tone to them. They trigger you a little bit, either good or bad ways, feeling light or more tense. Notice how your mind keeps going back into your body in the thinking part and not witnessing. Just pull yourself back to watch. Watching the stories your mind is creating, consistently running in the background. Just notice that there’s an element of peace after a while, if you let the thoughts be there without trying to fix them. Just focus on your breathing and how it feels to just let go of the engagement of those thoughts. Let them just run while another part of you stays in the stillness.
Debi: Then when you’re ready, open your eyes and come back. Did you go offline for an instant? [laughs]
Dr. Rob: Awesome.
Debi: Just wanted to give you a little taste of that. If you do this five minutes a day, as soon as you wake up in the morning, just five minutes, what you’re going to start to see is a theme. A theme is going to arise. Every day, you’re going to notice that you’re trying to solve the same problem. Your mind is trying to solve the same problem, the problem of being human. How much that thinking mind gets so– We get so caught up in that.
Dr. Rob: Absolutely.
Debi: We get so caught up in these problems and we don’t have that moment of just relaxing in peace. Our whole life, if we never do this, we’ll be just a continuous flow of thinking and problem solving, that when we get to the end we’ll be like, “I missed the whole thing.” It’s like getting stressed. If you ever watched a movie and you’re thinking of something else throughout the movie and you missed the whole thing? You know, because you have a problem you’re dealing with and you miss the beauty of the sunset or the beauty of the movie?
You’re like, “God, I missed the whole thing because my head was so full of problems.” When we do this, we’re actually getting control of the thinking and that clear mind so it helps us understand ourselves more and the nature of the mind.
Dr. Rob: Absolutely. It’s our nature to practice these meditations. If you notice kids, when they’re resting, when they’re playing, they often space out for a little bit or they daydream. That’s a type of meditation. They’re using their imagination to visualize, to create these inner world and to observe their inner world. It’s already built-in to our system. All we have to do is to start focusing in on it and practicing. The key, like anything else, is to practice.
Debi: This idea of enlightenment comes in those moments where you’re witnessing. That’s enlightenment. It’s that you don’t identify with the thoughts that moment that you’re in an enlightenment, and then you go back in. I always talk about the mind being like an instrument that we’re trying to learn and that we, throughout our life, keep fine-tuning that instrument. Just like the master we saw, Pearlman, play the violin. He’s just amazing. He’s 90 years old now, but he still probably can reach another level of perfection, but he uses that instrument so beautifully that it’s so in tune with the divine.
That’s really what our goal is. It’s not to get things out there like, “I’m going to meditate so I can have things in the material world.” It’s really to realize our true nature and to have that. You can have things in the world but if you’re anxious about them, what good do they do if you don’t have a peaceful mind? It’s like you’ll just keep chasing those carrots. I love this idea that there’s no agenda in meditation. The only goal really is to find that stillness. Even if you have two seconds of stillness the first time, that’s more than you had yesterday. What you want to do is lengthen that time. It really will change your day and you’ll start to see the narrative.
I have to tell you a story. One time I was sitting and meditating. I was worried about money, we had just moved to New York and I’m starting my coaching business and Rob was getting his Ph.D. I was not being a hypnotherapist anymore, so it was like a transitionary period. I was sitting there, Rob went to work and I was saying, “I got to meditate, I got to meditate.” I just couldn’t sit there. I was like, [moans] “I just can’t relax, I can’t relax, I got to get up and do something.”
I forced myself to sit there and then I heard my mind just worrying, worrying and then all of the sudden I said, “Oh my gosh.” I remember worrying about finding a man one day, I used to think about that. I was like, “My mind is always going to worry about something,” and in that moment everything got clear for me and it was such a breakthrough, just in meditation, that you get that clarity, you get that clear of mind where you step out of the story and you get in touch with that wisdom mind.
You’re like, “Oh my God.” I felt so relieved and then everything started to change financially for us, for me and the business after that. New opportunities came in, because I got out of that gerbil wheel of thinking.
Dr. Rob: My first experience with meditation was, I read this book, I think it was the Zen Book or something and I thought, “Wow I got to experience this.” I would sit and meditate and five minutes into it I was thinking, “Well, nothing is happening, where’s the enlightenment?” You’re expecting fireworks or something.
Debi: Like a glow and you’re going to float in that light.
Dr. Rob: It’s not about that, again it’s about stilling the mind, quieting the mind in this type of meditation, we will talk about other types later. Getting in touch with the true nature of the mind which is that stillness, but the stillness is not just an emptiness, is not just a blank nothing. It is a restorative state, very much like when we go into deep sleep we’re restored and rejuvenated. When we touch that stillness in us we are rejuvenated.
Debi: I feel rejuvenated by doing that little thing for myself, even I was leading it. I was meditating while I was leading a meditation. Do we have any questions, we have about five minutes left, we wanted to do that little– People are saying that they love it. “Thank you. I love your Facebook videos so much that I’m a mediator.” Let’s see who’s here? Who would like to ask a question, I know this is a little delayed so we would probably get some questions soon.
There’s other types of meditation, some people focus on their breathing, in that if you need that tool, if you want something. For me, when I first started, I imagined my clear mind being a beautiful light that was behind me, and I would basically fall back into it. I would envelop myself in this light and watch my little human self sit there thinking and so if you need that handle or that visual to help you, you can do that, but remember that you’re in that.
Another tool, someone told me this once, it’s really beautiful, is that you’re standing at the edge of a rushing river bank and you’re watching the river flow really fast. One of those rapid rivers that people take the tubes down. You think of that rushing river is your mind and the thinking mind, and you can stand on the edge of the bank and just watch that go by and what happens is we get caught up in a thought or an idea or a story, and emotionally attached. It pulls us into the river and drags us away and we lose our mind for a minute and then all we need to do is put ourselves back on the bank and find the peace again and watch the thought.
That would be another visual, I’m a very visual person so for me that helps as well, just to put myself back on the bank and watch that rushing river of thought go by. Most of it is nonsense, we all think, “Oh, you got to listen to those,” that creative thinking of the problem solver. It’s nonsense, it’s always telling you how things can’t work most of the time. Right?
Dr. Rob: Not me, I have great thoughts.
Debi: [laughs] Perfect and the thing there is the ego mind, the thinking mind, and there’s also the intellect. The ego uses our intellect, but we do have an intellect that is not the ego. Our brain has that capacity to reason and look at things and analyze things and learn.
Dr. Rob: The more we understand about the mind, the more we can get out of our meditation. A lot of people think the ego fills the conscious mind, but it’s just one little aspect of it. We can think of it more as a function of the conscious mind and its function is basically to give us a sense of I. Like, “I am here and I am going to the store, and I’m going to work,” and all that sense of I-ness.
It’s important, we need it, but when we identify with it and when we over-identify with it, then it becomes problematic. We’re focusing on a very limited aspect of our mind. We’re not letting in our full consciousness, like you mentioned, the intellect, the full spectrum of our memory, our imagination is being drowned out by this I. The sense of I, it’s focus is survival, and so survival is very limited, a little mouse can survive in the world, they don’t need a lot of brain power.
When we reduce our mind to I, to ego, we are basically just in survival mode and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s a very limited mindset. Meditation in this context starts to open up the possibilities of mind through the imagination, through that stillness and seeing the true nature of the mind.
Debi: I love that. I think that the ego is the limited self that only can create from what it’s created before, so it just repeats patterns that thinking, trying to problem solve. It’s always looking backwards, it’s always saying, “How did we do it lasts time?” It looks in the current situation and compares ourselves to others and what they have done and what is possible. Then there’s creative self, which is our true nature, is drowned out by that.
If we meditate we actually bring that creative self more to the front of our life. Like you said, the imagination, the inspiration, the intuition, our intellect can be used in a more intuitive way, versus a destructive way, a creative way. You really are able to get more in control of the direction of your life, through this very simple practice. It doesn’t have to be so hard.
Here’s some questions. Hello Mera, love your comment, thank you. She said I’m gorgeous. Thank you Mera. I paid her to say that. We have a question, “When you go through a break up, how do you stop thinking about that person?” Well, this meta consciousness is the perfect way to do that because you have to ask yourself, why you were thinking about this person, what is that person giving you that you don’t think you have. Why are you so obsessed with that person and why is your ego so obsessed?
What we’re really probably thinking and when you can’t let go of someone that rejects you is that you feel that they’re going to save you in some way, they’re going to make your life better in some way, your survival is tied into that. That’s what I would do, just paying attention to what’s the narrative around that person. “If they don’t come back to me,” or maybe even beating yourself up of, “What I did wrong and how I could have prevented this person from leaving?”
Look at the narrative, look at the theme of what you’re thinking and you’re going to notice that it’s going to show up in that thought. That’s a perfect way and then if you really want to stop thinking about the person, we do have a wonderful course called the Love Detox, that’s really cool. That really takes you through your attachment style, the style of relating, and the meditations that go with that to help you with that.
Dr. Rob: I think just by creating that space, then you’re able to see thoughts and emotions that arise regardless of what they’re about, whether they’re about your ex or past things that you did. You’re able to create that healthy space between you, the real you, the higher self, the creative self, and that ego thinking, that ego mind that’s always, like you say, trying to solve problems or trying to figure things out.
Debi: It’s all caught up in that acts, relationship. It’s the ego that’s caught up and you have to access that other part.
Dr. Rob: Absolutely.
Debi: We have another question, “We are so attached to these spots, it’s hard to let go with them sometimes.”
Dr. Rob: Very true, that is why it requires the understanding first of all. How do we meditate? What is the purpose of that medication and what is the nature of the mind? If we don’t understand those things, then we’re just practicing relaxation. A lot of people do the breathing meditations and relaxation and of course that’s fine. It’s going to help you manage stress, perhaps, a little bit, but it’s not really the purpose of meditation.
The purpose of meditation is to work with our thoughts, work with our minds. The great scholar Patanjali who wrote the Yoga Sutras. The first verse it says, “The purpose of yoga is to still the mind.” To be able to observe our thoughts and emotions without getting caught up in them.
Debi: Someone wrote, I meditate 30 minutes in the morning and in the evening and I focus in my body, particularly in my hands and I asked my angel to hold my hands, I feel a subtle touch. I want you to know that that angel is you.” [chuckles] That is you.
Dr. Rob: She’s talking about me.
Debi: That’s your creative self that is not outside of you. One of the things that we teach is that we’re one with everything, there’s nothing separate from you. I bet you’d feel even more solid knowing that that is you versus something outside of you coming in to support the little human. That part of you is always with you and that angel was you, so remember that.
Dr. Rob: Beautiful.
Debi: You just clarified one of my questions on how to steer gently from our mind judging the thoughts passing by to be the observer during meditation, thank you. When I first started meditating it was so hard because I was trying to fix my mind. I was like, “Okay got to think positive.” Then when I would think negative I’d be like, “Oh, god I’m thinking negative, I better stop.” Then I would want to leave because I wouldn’t want to give all that energy and then I just didn’t want to be with myself.
I think a lot of people– that’s why our world is so busy. We need our cell phones, we need TV, we need the internet. We need to keep working out or whatever we do to get away from that thinking. We’re so afraid to just sit there and be with ourselves.
Dr. Rob: Right. The reason we practice is that we can carry that mind into our everyday activity. It’s not just while you’re sitting and meditating, it actually then becomes your mind’s way of seeing your thoughts and emotions. That when you’re doing things, when you’re in action and things are happening and you’re at work and the boss is giving you problems or something’s going on. You can still detach yourself a little bit or non-attachment and observe what your mind is doing in reaction to those situations.
That is really useful because then you’re not reacting from those thoughts and emotions that arise from the situation. You’re able to make decisions from that larger space, that true mind of possibility.
Debi: The question is, “This angel, if it’s inside of me can also be my inner Adam?” Well, it could be. The inner Adam is, really, for a woman, the creative self-personified for a woman and for a man his inner Eve is the personified creative self, his muse. It’s kind of like your inner muse. It doesn’t have to be masculine or feminine in a social sense. It’s like your emissary to the collective, which is all that is. For us as humans, we can have a one to a million relationship with the universe so we need that creative self, that individual self, that unseen self that to relate to. Just for us to have a conceptual idea and navigate the world because we are individual. Why are we so afraid of ourselves doing nothing?
Dr. Rob: That’s a good question. Right?
Debi: Well, we have that urge to survive. We’re born with that urgency to live. When we are baby, we needed those kind of urgent– If we sat there and we were like, “Oh, I don’t care if I eat. I don’t care if I poop in my pants and no one changes me and I don’t have to be warm,” we wouldn’t survive. We need a body to survive. That was the first reason the ego was born out of is, “I have to protect this body, I have to survive.” That’s why we’re afraid to do nothing, because if we do nothing we could die. The thoughts arise from that fear of non-existence.
Dr. Rob: Yes, and it’s also conditioning.
Debi: Which is survival.
Dr. Rob: Yes, we conditioned our mind to always be on the defense. The defense is to create this persona and to keep up the persona that makes us feel safe. The conditioning is always prompting us to keep up this persona and to work on the ego, to solve those problems that the ego is perceiving. The ego’s job is simply to look for problems to solve and so it’s always finding something. When we sit down and we don’t understand the nature of the mind, what immediately comes up is, “You got to move, you got to solve these problems, you got to fix this and that.”
By the time we know it, we’re very uncomfortable just sitting with our thoughts and ourselves. We feel like, “I should be doing something.” All kinds of things pop up in our head. If we recognize what they, then we’re able to again gain that healthy space between our true self, the witness of our thoughts and the thoughts and the emotions.
Debi: We’re over time, we have to go, but I wanted to thank everyone for joining us. We will be doing these every week. We haven’t picked a date yet that we’re going to do it on a regular basis because of our schedule. We also wanted to invite you to come to our event in LA this next weekend. Destiny, it’s two and a half days of transformation. We’re going to do lots of visualization, meditation. We’re going to help you work with your mind, your ego, you’re going to face your shadow.
We’re going to talk about love, we’re going to talk about money, we’re going to talk about reaching your dreams, so we hope you come. If you’re over in Europe, we’re going to be in London on October 14th and 15th for the Heart of Love. If you’re interested in any of those events please contact us, go to our website debianddrrob.com and talk to us and get on the phone. We have our lead coach Teresa who can talk to you live if you want a consultation and we hope to see you live, not only over the video but in person.
Dr. Rob: Absolutely, hope to see you there.
Debi: Take care everyone, happy meditating. Remember that who you really are is unlimited and powerful and you can get whatever you want. We hope you have a great rest of your day, take care.
Dr. Rob: Take care.
Debi: Bye, bye.